Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
