Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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