I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
