Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize