WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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