Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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