My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
