I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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