My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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