so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
