you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
