Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
