that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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