She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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