I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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