he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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