He uses pillows to masturbate.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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