Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found your dick twin last night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
