she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
