That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
