TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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