Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
