When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
