do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
