I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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