hotel room ftw
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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