he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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