Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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