For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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