We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
