Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
