Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
