I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
