wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
