It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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