don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
