Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
