take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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