Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize