READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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