im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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