I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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