had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
