If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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