I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
