I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
