Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
