Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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