party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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