Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
