we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
