u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
