I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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