I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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