New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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