it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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