I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
