I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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