ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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