peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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