Its about making memories worth repressing
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
