rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
