You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
