so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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