sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
