Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
