Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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