I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
