she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
