My nipple is on Facebook.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
