Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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